Free Advice
In this article I offer free advice to a family member graduating from High School.
Graduating is a very momentous occasion and an important marker along your life’s journey. You will remember it as long as you live, I think, but I am certain you will remember until at least the age of 36 - provided you don’t get out of hand during your college years. Because of all this momentousness I’m going to give you some free advice. Remember it’s free; you didn’t pay anything for it so you don’t have to feel obligated to use it or feel good about it.
Advice #1: Take free advice. Just kidding the real Advice #1 is
Advice #1: Don’t be surprised by what you see and hear out there or you’ll walk around with your mouth open all the time. Now this is rather silly as it’s stated but the real point is to have an open mind and don’t get too comfortable. Life is going to leave you scratching your head sometimes wondering what in the hell happened. Now a lot of people focus on advice about how to prevent those times from happening. This seems rather futile because there are so many ways that life can surprise you, good and bad, that the best course of action is to not be too surprised when you get surprised. Getting emotionally flattened by a surprise degrades your ability to pursue the life you want. When it happens, just remember this free advice and close you mouth and laugh because I told you so. And then move forward the best you can.
Advice #2: Stick with people you trust. From my experience thus far (I’ll remind you I have about an 18 year head start on you) this is the most important piece of advice and should probably be Advice #1 but it isn’t as humorous, if you know what I mean. Because of the surprises discussed in Advice #1 you need to be sure to be around people you trust. Obviously you trust your family. That is as it should be. Keep that going because some of us are going to be around a long time. Not only does this mean lots of free advice of varying quality, it also means a place to crash, a free meal, and help on those surprises that come up in Advice #1. I have talked to the wisest and dumbest men and women of all ages about how to know when to trust someone. The truth is it is very, very hard to know. Trust your intuition. Try to sort out whether you like someone or whether you trust them – they are two very different things. Liking someone is circumstantial, trusting someone is persistent. Behavior over time is a good predictor. But you’ll still get surprised by people and need Advice #1.
Advice #3: Constructively experience anxiety. Everyone has anxiety, and the difference maker is how and whether you deal with it. This means actively dealing with stuff that is bugging you. I had to be 30 years old before I actually figured this one out. Anxiety may result from a surprise, something you can’t do, or something else, but, in any case, its bothering you. I’m very organized about dealing with anxiety and you will need to find your own way. Sometimes I call people (the people you trust from Advice #2) and ask for free advice. I wake up every Monday morning and write down all the stuff that is bugging me in no particular order. I sort through the stuff I can’t control and push it aside – if you can’t control or influence it don’t waste brain space worrying about it. Easy to say, hard to do. Anxiety will degrade your ability to do what you want to do if you don’t manage it. This is an exercise in mental healthiness. Practice really, really hard. I mean it.
Advice #4: Take care of yourself. Now some people will offer you this advice meaning don’t get drunk before your finals, avoid promiscuity, and don’t drive like an idiot. This is good advice but there are too many ways for you to not take care of yourself to actually list. So, take care of your self means be healthy. You’ve had some good examples around the house and that is helpful. But remember, that guy in the mirror needs to look after himself. Take smart risks. Take care of your physical human being.
Advice #5: The law of the farm. Good things don’t happen fast. Some people get lucky and good things happen for them fast. I don’t go into the world depending on luck to get me where I want to go and neither should you. The law of the farm is this: plant a seed and pay attention to it every day, water it, protect it, and you will get something useful. Diligence is the word.
Advice #6: Obsess. If you want to make your way in the world you’re going to need to obsess about something. This is easy advice to give you because I’ve seen you wash a car. Now I don’t expect this is your highest calling. But I am absolutely certain that the seeds of your greatness (see Advice #5) can be found in your innate ability to focus for long periods of time on perfection – again, I’ve seen this personally. Everyone I know who I consider successful has this ability. It has multiple benefits. First it makes you good at whatever you choose to obsess over. Second, it creates a focused mind and gives you a really good feeling. Some people don’t have this and it is a real problem for them. Some get carried away and get monomaniacal. I think you are sensible enough to use what you got.
Advice #7: Listen with a silent mind. This means subordinate what you are thinking and what your response is going to be to the person speaking. Good listening means setting your ego aside. It doesn’t mean the other person is right, it doesn’t mean they are smart and you’re dumb. It means you are listening. Try it as an experiment sometime. Just sit there like a bump on a log and listen to someone without trying to immediately talk back to them. Look them full in the face and pay attention to them. I bet you’ll be amazed. I’m still learning to be good at this. Some may think something is wrong with you. The people you trust (Advice #2), or should trust, will come to recognize that you actually are listening to them. People, ALL people, want to be heard, and you will find an uncommon source of power through listening. People will come to you because they will learn that you listen. You will learn because you have listened. Try the experiment and see what you get.
Advice #8: If a family member can’t make it to your graduation assume they have some kind of guilt about it and hit them up later to make it up to you.
Your Pal,
Brendan
Ps. More free advice here
Graduating is a very momentous occasion and an important marker along your life’s journey. You will remember it as long as you live, I think, but I am certain you will remember until at least the age of 36 - provided you don’t get out of hand during your college years. Because of all this momentousness I’m going to give you some free advice. Remember it’s free; you didn’t pay anything for it so you don’t have to feel obligated to use it or feel good about it.
Advice #1: Take free advice. Just kidding the real Advice #1 is
Advice #1: Don’t be surprised by what you see and hear out there or you’ll walk around with your mouth open all the time. Now this is rather silly as it’s stated but the real point is to have an open mind and don’t get too comfortable. Life is going to leave you scratching your head sometimes wondering what in the hell happened. Now a lot of people focus on advice about how to prevent those times from happening. This seems rather futile because there are so many ways that life can surprise you, good and bad, that the best course of action is to not be too surprised when you get surprised. Getting emotionally flattened by a surprise degrades your ability to pursue the life you want. When it happens, just remember this free advice and close you mouth and laugh because I told you so. And then move forward the best you can.
Advice #2: Stick with people you trust. From my experience thus far (I’ll remind you I have about an 18 year head start on you) this is the most important piece of advice and should probably be Advice #1 but it isn’t as humorous, if you know what I mean. Because of the surprises discussed in Advice #1 you need to be sure to be around people you trust. Obviously you trust your family. That is as it should be. Keep that going because some of us are going to be around a long time. Not only does this mean lots of free advice of varying quality, it also means a place to crash, a free meal, and help on those surprises that come up in Advice #1. I have talked to the wisest and dumbest men and women of all ages about how to know when to trust someone. The truth is it is very, very hard to know. Trust your intuition. Try to sort out whether you like someone or whether you trust them – they are two very different things. Liking someone is circumstantial, trusting someone is persistent. Behavior over time is a good predictor. But you’ll still get surprised by people and need Advice #1.
Advice #3: Constructively experience anxiety. Everyone has anxiety, and the difference maker is how and whether you deal with it. This means actively dealing with stuff that is bugging you. I had to be 30 years old before I actually figured this one out. Anxiety may result from a surprise, something you can’t do, or something else, but, in any case, its bothering you. I’m very organized about dealing with anxiety and you will need to find your own way. Sometimes I call people (the people you trust from Advice #2) and ask for free advice. I wake up every Monday morning and write down all the stuff that is bugging me in no particular order. I sort through the stuff I can’t control and push it aside – if you can’t control or influence it don’t waste brain space worrying about it. Easy to say, hard to do. Anxiety will degrade your ability to do what you want to do if you don’t manage it. This is an exercise in mental healthiness. Practice really, really hard. I mean it.
Advice #4: Take care of yourself. Now some people will offer you this advice meaning don’t get drunk before your finals, avoid promiscuity, and don’t drive like an idiot. This is good advice but there are too many ways for you to not take care of yourself to actually list. So, take care of your self means be healthy. You’ve had some good examples around the house and that is helpful. But remember, that guy in the mirror needs to look after himself. Take smart risks. Take care of your physical human being.
Advice #5: The law of the farm. Good things don’t happen fast. Some people get lucky and good things happen for them fast. I don’t go into the world depending on luck to get me where I want to go and neither should you. The law of the farm is this: plant a seed and pay attention to it every day, water it, protect it, and you will get something useful. Diligence is the word.
Advice #6: Obsess. If you want to make your way in the world you’re going to need to obsess about something. This is easy advice to give you because I’ve seen you wash a car. Now I don’t expect this is your highest calling. But I am absolutely certain that the seeds of your greatness (see Advice #5) can be found in your innate ability to focus for long periods of time on perfection – again, I’ve seen this personally. Everyone I know who I consider successful has this ability. It has multiple benefits. First it makes you good at whatever you choose to obsess over. Second, it creates a focused mind and gives you a really good feeling. Some people don’t have this and it is a real problem for them. Some get carried away and get monomaniacal. I think you are sensible enough to use what you got.
Advice #7: Listen with a silent mind. This means subordinate what you are thinking and what your response is going to be to the person speaking. Good listening means setting your ego aside. It doesn’t mean the other person is right, it doesn’t mean they are smart and you’re dumb. It means you are listening. Try it as an experiment sometime. Just sit there like a bump on a log and listen to someone without trying to immediately talk back to them. Look them full in the face and pay attention to them. I bet you’ll be amazed. I’m still learning to be good at this. Some may think something is wrong with you. The people you trust (Advice #2), or should trust, will come to recognize that you actually are listening to them. People, ALL people, want to be heard, and you will find an uncommon source of power through listening. People will come to you because they will learn that you listen. You will learn because you have listened. Try the experiment and see what you get.
Advice #8: If a family member can’t make it to your graduation assume they have some kind of guilt about it and hit them up later to make it up to you.
Your Pal,
Brendan
Ps. More free advice here
